Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
