Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
