I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
