i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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