If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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