I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
