she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
