Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
