it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also, beer. Big fan.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
