Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
