i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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