I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
