look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
