My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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