i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
