New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
