i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
