Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
