Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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