What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
