I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
