There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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