areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I need a burrito and a hug.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
