Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
