dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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