Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
