He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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