I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need water and some morals
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
