I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
