The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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