last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
