I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
