Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
