i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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