so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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