hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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