Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
