What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
