We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
