i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
