I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
