...so i touched it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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