Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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