If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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