Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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