its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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