It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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