**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
