You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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