eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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