Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
