Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just found puke in my bra..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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