were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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