So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
