so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you traded sex for a burrito?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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