I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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