I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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