I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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